Blind
by Siriusly Orion Wicked
Summary: She should have known. Her brain kept playing that phrase on repeat. It was bound to happen, she knew. She hadn't had any expectations about them as a couple. They weren't even a couple. So how on earth could she have been so blind?


She should have known.

Her brain kept playing that phrase on repeat. It was bound to happen, she knew. She hadn't had any expectations about them as a couple. They weren't even a couple. Their family and their friends knew nothing about their affair, if it could be called that.

Ten years. They'd been having this thing, whatever it was, for ten years. It was a lifetime.

Looking back she couldn't figure out when it started, not really. He'd appeared out of the blue one day. Everyone kept saying it was because of something she did, the most brilliant witch of her age, brought someone back from the dead. Truth was, even if she had something to do with it, it had been by accident.

Sirius Black was a force to be reckoned with. The sheer impact of being the sole focus of his gaze was a challenge in itself. There was no fighting him. The Veil had spit him out just as he was when he was 30. He'd grown younger somehow, healthier. He was one of those men who got better with age, like a vintage wine.

She was 20 years old the first time she noticed him and she was 21 the first time he noticed her.

She'd been surprised their exchanges had gone undetected. She supposed she was lucky Remus wasn't around to witness the whole thing. He would have known in an instant. Hermione Granger, Golden Girl, fallen from grace and into the arms of debauchery.

She'd done things with this man she wouldn't tell even to Ginny.

Ten years of on and off sex, letters and pictures. Somewhere around his flat he would have very well documented fragments of her life. They would grow distracted from time to time, forgetting their correspondence, life getting too hectic to keep up with each other. They wouldn't risk having the people around them finding out they had an interest in each other so they didn't dare ask.

They'd kept the flame going somehow, through other relationships they'd pause but correspond still. She was ashamed to acknowledge there were other times when they hadn't cared they had significant others.

She should have known _then_.

But then again, that was exactly why she was so surprised now. They didn't keep anything from each other. She had no claim over him or had any fantasies about marrying the man. She had no right to be angry, not really, but he had lied to her. She couldn't believe he had kept something like this from her.

Engaged. He was engaged.

They didn't frequent each other when she was in England, not socially. She wouldn't have known had she been there, Harry wouldn't have thought to tell her, either. Work brought her to France, she'd been stationed there for seven months. Sirius had been writing as usual, often and with swift replies to her letters. Attached were very risquée pictures, as usual.

For years, they'd exchanged such pictures. He'd shown her how to explore her sexuality, to love her body, to touch herself. He'd taught her how to be a fantastic lover, how to adore his body and make it sing. Hermione Granger didn't make allowances… But she had for him.

He'd sent her a two-way mirror when she moved to Bulgaria to keep in touch. She'd never thought about the use of the mirrors to have him watch her while she did unspeakable things to her body, but that was the use they gave them when she was in France. She couldn't refuse him when he asked. His smile was too deep, teeth lined up perfectly, mischief and dark intent hidden within. How she loved his dark promises.

They would spend hours and hours talking about anything and everything. She was amazed by every minute he gave her, really. He was so far outside of her league she sometimes thought she had dreamt the whole thing. Sirius was painfully good looking. His black hair was straight and soft and it fell over his eyes like a vine, just the right way. His arms were strong, not overly so, his chest and abdomen were lean, defined, and his arse… It had to be one of the new wonders of the world. Azkaban was clearly behind him.

The first time he'd approached her, told her he found her enticing and charming, she thought he was mocking her. She had stormed out of the room in a fury, thinking the twins had put him up to this. He had obviously noticed her growing interest in him, she watched him a little too much, decided it would be good fun to ridicule her.

Sirius chased her down the next day, stated he needed no prompting from anyone to tell her he found her attractive. Hermione was speechless for the first time in her life. Even if he was having her on, she would have her fill. She kissed him with a raw passion she didn't know she had. Ronald had never brought this out of her, even after three years. They had broken up a few months before and she was free to do as she pleased.

That day they started something that would last years, heartbreak and losses, they saw each other throughout. They never talked about it but it was clear to them they could not have what they had and tell their friends and family about it. It wasn't a relationship, either, they knew. He had told her about Karina, so they stopped having sex but they still went for coffee and wrote each other frequently. She told him about Neville and they kept their strange relationship at a margin.

It had been three years since he'd shown up at her flat and she thought that was it. He was with Karina and she was with Neville. She was sad they'd stopped talking but happy he had found what he wanted and needed. He wasn't one for formal relationships so he had to be serious about her. In any case, there was no future with him. Not one that she could see clearly.

As it turned out, Neville was gay. Sirius was there for her, with friendly support and understanding. He was always there to listen to her, no matter what. There was nothing more between them, except perhaps the sexual aura that stays between people that know each other intimately. They kept having lunch, telling each other what they couldn't tell anyone else. There was a safety in their secrecy, the knowledge that what they had, as indefinable as it was, was just theirs.

In January of year five, he showed up at her flat in a frenzy. Karina was pregnant and Sirius was having a panic attack. He was sure he'd been careful, he didn't understand, he couldn't be a father, he couldn't take care of another human being. She made him tea, sat him down on her couch and proceeded to tell him all the great things about him that he clearly didn't see in himself. He was kind, he loved with a fearlessness she'd always admired, he would do anything for those he loved and if he were to have a child she was sure he would be the best father that ever lived. Perhaps not the best example, but the most loving father earth had seen. He laughed at that through the tears that fell on his face.

She had a way of soothing him he could find nowhere else. He told her so, he said she was the one constant in his life that made sense to him. Harry was amazing and he loved him so, but he saw Sirius as a parent figure, he'd never be able to share his mistakes and is darkest thoughts with his godson. But with her... he could tell her anything. It was almost like she was isolated from his world. She was his and he was hers in every sense that mattered.

He kissed her then, the burning too hot in his chest, the need for her was entirely too strong. She hadn't really thought it wrong at the time, he just wanted comfort, security. He'd be back with Karina in the morning, committing to the life he didn't know he wanted just yet.

Four months later Hermione had started seeing Viktor again. She was traveling more for work than usual and they met as often as they could. She had real feelings for the Quidditch player, but she yearned to talk to him as candidly as she spoke with Sirius. It took years for them to get to that point, Sirius had reasoned, she couldn't expect to get there so quickly with someone she spent so little time with.

He was right, so she decided to move to Bulgaria.

Conversations were short but just as frequent. The mirrors proved key to keeping each other up to date but it was becoming increasingly difficult. Life always has a way of getting between people. Viktor was attentive and loving, and she thought she also fancied herself in love. Maybe she could stay with him, stay and be happy.

Then one night she was woken up by the light of the mirror. Sirius knew better than to call during night time in Bulgaria, something must have happened. Karina had lost the baby and Sirius was crying uncontrollably. She always had a couple of emergency portkeys to England for cases such as these. She used one immediately, told Viktor she'd be back in no time. In less than a minute, she was at his flat, used her key and found him on the bathroom floor, as broken as a human being can be. She laid on the floor with him until their backs hurt but it didn't seem like he could stop himself from crying. Every time she thought he'd take a breath and take a break, he would start anew.

She caressed his face, wiped the tears off his face and kissed his cheeks softly, reverently. His eyes laid his soul bare to her, completely exposed. He was hurting, so strongly and so deeply she couldn't stand it.

He kissed her then, ravenous for comfort, drowning in pain and she took it. She took him, she couldn't deny him. He took her on the bathroom floor, fast and deep, looking for something that would ease his pain. He didn't find it.

She stayed with him a couple of days there, listening as Sirius refused to open the door for Harry or Karina when they came by. Hermione chastised him as best she could, she didn't have the heart to be truly reproachful. He was allowed his grief. There was no repeat performance before she left. She kissed him softly one last time and left him to face the music.

Vikor wasn't happy, she had no explanation for him and things just took a wrong turn from there. There was no fixing the mistrust he had in his eyes and she could never explain that while his worse thoughts were true, he had nothing to fear. Her relationship with Sirius was… different. They loved each other but they were not _in love_ with each other. She would never leave him for Sirius but she had no way of reassuring him.

In the end, it didn't matter. She moved back to England a year later.

It wasn't long after she returned that Sirius found out that Karina was never pregnant. In a fit of rage for his lack of commitment, she slipped and told him even the death of their fake baby hadn't moved him enough to marry her. His rage burnt so hot Hermione was amazed anything had survived his furious path to her.

He was on her before she could muster a thought, it was bordering on painful, his grasp on her breast, his teeth on her jaw, his fingers digging into her hips. He was brutal that day, but she understood, she was angry on his behalf, she knew he wanted to hurt, too, so she reciprocated. They'd never been that rough with each other but, at that moment, they had needed it.

He'd stayed with her for almost a month. He was completely enraged by anything and everything, he didn't trust himself near Harry, afraid he'd say something he didn't mean. He wasn't afraid to be near Hermione, though. She understood. Sometimes he went too far, hurt her feelings, but she was so perfectly with him, on his side, rooting for him so, that she got over it pretty quickly.

After that it wasn't unusual for him to disappear for months at a time, only to start writing again like he'd never stopped or using the mirror for a quick release from time to time. A year went by and she heard very little of him. She dated sporadically but after Viktor, it was hard to find someone who she wanted to stay for longer than a few months. She grew tired of men fairly quickly.

Just as Hermione was about to forget what sex felt like, Sirius turned up out of nowhere. He would come around almost every day and have dinner with her. The first couple of weeks they didn't engage in any sexual activity, she thought he was probably seeing someone and was refraining. Then it was like that time apart had never happened and they found themselves in each other's arms again. Their bodies knew what the other craved and they would whisper filthy words between kisses, feeding the flame.

He was a breath of fresh air, a true break from everything and anything that wasn't working in her life. For six months he had been incredibly present, surprisingly so, she thought. Single and free life suited men like Sirius, but he spent so much time with her she thought he'd have very little time to actually date. Sex was better than ever and conversations during late hours of the night kept them awake till early hours of the morning.

Work demanded she move to France immediately and so she went. They kept contact through the mirror, almost daily with a few gaps of a week or so. Sirius had started working on something or another, he had told her a couple of times but she kept forgetting.

She'd found out through the French newspaper. Sirius' fianceé was French, it seemed. They had been dating for a couple of years, according to the report, till the handsome wizard asked for her hand in marriage this past November. April was almost over.

Hermione couldn't remember if he had shown up at her flat before or after the stated date of the engagement. She didn't know what was worse. They weren't dating and she had no claim over him… and yet. She was so full of fury she didn't even know what to feel. She was angry, angry beyond belief. He had lied to her to her face. She knew he saw other women but she had no idea he was in a steady relationship.

 _How dare he?_

She wasn't even angry he wanted to marry someone else, that's what she always thought would happen. But he kept talking about their immediate future, he was planning a trip for them, the bastard. It was the betrayal the hurt the most, the lie.

But no, he had another thing coming.

Sirius Black had no idea what he'd brought upon himself.


End file.
